Saturday, July 21, 2012


-My mind has been plagued with the dilemma of sexuality in general, and homosexuality in particular for the past 2 years.

-One of my closest friend here in Japan is bisexual. He described his attraction to men to me in detail, details that I won't disclose here because for me as a heterosexual it is gross to think just about them, but nevertheless, I can relate to the pain of having the feelings that you can't disclose, having the feelings that forever remains unrequited, the pain of being abandoned by God, this time due to His Biblical (He was a Catholic) condemnation of homosexuality.

-At first, when I came to Japan, I have this spirit of "I want to convert at least one person into the faith of Islam." Who better to convert than some depressed dude who is close to me? But when he disclosed his sexuality to me, I am bummed out. How am I supposed to introduce this man to Islamic faith, which as most probably know, is fiercer on homosexuals than Catholicism? He knows about Islam, he knows about this attitude; how can he be attracted to it?

-I read the Quran again and again, I tried to find a loophole that might allow for homosexuality. Of course, personally I found it; there was no direct mention of homosexuality in Quran, it is not explicitly forbidden, the interpretations regarding homosexuality are all inside brackets (which mean they are not part of the Arabic original text). But then I see the Muslim attitude towards homosexuality; can one change this hardened attitude, can one offer alternative explanations of Quranic interpretation without risk being shunned, excommunicated or even get killed?

-This in turn has distanced me from the Islamic faith, and also from the Quran; after all, the story of Lot is there, and due to the presence of the story in Quran, Quran is bound to come to the same conclusion as the Bible, which concludes the story with God's wrath towards the homosexuals. The continuation of Biblical narratives in Quran is questionable for me; why should Islam claim to be a continuation of Judeo-Christian prophethood? It is just going to inherit the same problems that way; as if God Himself doesn't learn from history.

-But then maybe, Quran ain't no Word of God; That makes it totally a Muhammad's innovation, and therefore Muhammad may be mistaken in his attitude towards homosexuals; After all, he didn't know better, didn't he? Him being human, from a very unscientific age, never learned in schools, never encounter homosexuality-he can't know better, he ought to harbor prejudices and these prejudices are then spilled inside the Holy Book.

-But of course harboring this thinking will kick you out of your Muslim faith, for this faith demands absolutism in your belief. There is no maybe; just "it has to be it" and "it can't be it; impossible!" And due to certainty, Muslims are happy, but their intellect worsens and their conduct on others suffer from faithful arrogance; do I want to be part of that? No. I'd rather suffer due to my acknowledgement on reality, than escaping to some belief system full of promises of better afterlife. It is more ethical, it is more responsible, it is more heroic.

-But this makes being Muslim more difficult; you don't feel like you belong there anymore, because of some gay stuff that makes you ponder about what this faith is really about and whether it still holds to its claims of being the solution, the answer, the truth; and this in turn has make me think a lot, think hard; but I don't know what to do. Atheism will not work; for the faith is not merely a personal thing.

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