Monday, February 14, 2011


-It's ego, isn't it?

-To talk badly about other people, other ideologies, other kinds of values.

-It affects me too.

-It can affect me, real badly. It has. In fact, it is, right now.

-That's ego.

-Ego makes it hard to believe, makes it hard to accept other's advices, makes it hard to even think straight.

-Ego is the thing that makes me feel, after receiving any messages, like this:
"But then...,"Well,.....,""You see....""Er...."

-See? Doubt emanates from ego. How can one believe sincerely in the Lord's religion, when ego fills the brain and the heart?

-It's too hard. Our ego is an integral part of us.

-I need to keep on trying, don't just stop here, it's not yet the end.


Sometimes I'm fearful, that my sense of reality has become distorted.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Sitting Down

-After hearing all the news last night, I can't help but to rejoice.

-But then I remembered one thing.

-I have done virtually nothing.

-It's like a joke, when you're celebrating things that you didn't actually fight for. I was just sitting down in my room, watching the news, surfing the net comfortably alone.

-I really didn't do anything.

-And here I am, with some misplaced arrogance, saying things in my blog, things about struggle, freedom, liberty and stuff. Do I really have a thorough understanding of these? Do I really care for these? Do I have it in me the courage and the willpower to say it when I have to say it openly?

-I really don't think so.

-In my blog, I have repeatedly said some of my stances. But I did not exactly express them in the most honest way; I have self-censored some parts, sugar-coat some parts, and saying things that I personally did not believe.

-But in this post, I think that maybe I can say some of the things I have been concealing, out of my fear.

1. I don't believe in Khilafah.
2. I don't want an Islamic state.
3. I don't want a state run by Islamic law.
4. I believe in a fully secular government.
5. I am a practicing Muslim, however at the same time, I also adhere to some Buddhist principles.
6. I am not a Sunni.
7. I don't believe that the Companions are all good people.
8. Yet, I am not a Shiite. I don't believe in Imamiyyah.
9. I don't believe that Muhammad really can be succeeded.
10. Khilafah ended with the assassination of Ali. Umayyads, Abbasids, and Ottoman Turks, are mere monarchies.
11. I believe that Islam should allow itself to be criticized.
12. I ultimately believe that there should be no governments at all.
13. I don't believe in the infallibility of the prophets and messengers. I don't believe in a maksum Muhammad.
14. I don't think that Quran should be followed absolutely.
15. I might be practicing Islam, but in my heart, I am a Deist, and a little bit Antitheist.

Well, to summarize, I am not mainstream Islam anymore.

-I wonder, if one day I have to go and fight for my beliefs.


-The president of Egypt, Hosni Mubarak has stepped down from his position as the president.

-Glory be God. Alhamdulillah. Allahu akbar.

-But we must remember, we must always remember one thing.

-Dictators come and go. Ideologies come and go. History goes in circles.

-And thus, the struggle for a better world, a better life and a better self never ends.

-Ila yaum addin.

-Witness, O Lord, and help the Egyptians.

-It is going to be a hard road from now on.

-But I would prefer believing, than not trying.

-Democracy is a goal worth fighting for.

-Liberalism is the key.

-A revolution in the cultural heart of the Muslim world. Imagine it.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Ni Jak Tuju Kita?

(written in Sarawakian Malay)

-Ni jak tuju kita eh? Lamak gilak dah zaman marek ya, walhal sik terasa lalu. Nanga-nanga udah dekat 4 tahun. Sik ada rasa lalu.

-Ni jak tuju kita eh? Mun marek aku tiap-tiap pagi bangun pukul 5, sembahyang subuh, pegi sekolah. Kinek tuk ni ada agik pegi sekolah cam ya. Ni ada pakei uniform apa semua.

-Ni jak tuju kita eh? Mun dolok kita mun ada kerja molah sama-sama kita semua nait motor. Kadang-kadang tayar pancit, kadang-kadang peng. Kinek tuk ni ada agik semua ya. Mun ada sik selalu, time raya jak.

-Ni jak tuju kita eh? Dah abis form 5 semua mbak diri haluan dimpun. Ada nait belon gi Malaya, ada gi Sabah, ada gi Kuching. Oversea pun ada juak. Ni dapat temu selalu cam ya, jauh gilak.

-Ni jak tuju kita eh? Alih-alih kita udah over 20. Bayangkan. Dolok rasa macam akan jadi teens selama-lamanya. Kinek tuk dah sampei umur mengundi. Bayangkan. Dolok rasa macam 21 ya umur yang jauh agik. Alih-alih udah 21.

-Ni ada agik kita berarak Maulid Nabi. Ni ada agik kita belajar di Rosli Dhoby. Ni ada agik aku dengan Jesie. Sik ada jalan yu. Ni dapat agik molah cam marek dolok.

-Tapi sik kiralah ni jak kita tuju, doa aku agik bersama dengan kitak semua.

(Dedikasi untuk rakan-rakan lama sewaktu di Rosli Dhoby)

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

On Egypt

-The protest have entered its second week.

-We can see on the internet, in the news and televisions, how chaos and anarchy reign in Egypt. Demonstrators calling for the ouster of the decadent of their President, Hosni Mubarak are, as of now, clashing with the so-called Mubarak supporters. Yet it seems to me that those "supporters" are in fact the same people that clashed with the government protesters on last Friday-the police.

-Well, what can I say?

-I can only say, as a person raised in a fairly quiet, stable and comfortable environment, that maybe I just can't comment on anything without being incorrect on some things. But just sitting down here and do nothing does not seem to me a right thing to do too.

-So I am going to say it here. I support the protesters. They are demanding for the oppressive regime to go down, and anyone who supports liberty should side with them.

-Mubarak regime represents everything that is wrong with the Arab world and Islamic world. Dictatorship, lack of liberty, lack of freedom of speech, poverty, income disparity, non-functioning democracy, authoritarian rule, extremist Islamists, oppression of ideas. Leftist ideas are oppressed, religious people are denied to speak out, the poor become poorer, the rich pack up and run away to other countries, the intellectuals being silenced and corrupt politicians infest the whole system.

-We Muslims really are in need of total reformation. And I mean total reformation. Nothing would be left out.

-We need to reform our attitudes. We still have this kind of 15-century mentality. We are still in our Dark Age, we are still ruled by families of dictators and monarchy, which are in fact very much the same thing. We still are afraid of talking about change, and are in a state of culture shock after gaining independence from European colonial powers for about half a century. We still don't exactly know where we are heading, we believed too much that Mahdi and Jesus will come to redeem us, we still believe that The End of Time is pretty much now. Sounds like 15-century Europeans to me.

-We need to reform our attitudes. We still have reservations on talking about how religion shapes our way of thinking, we still think that everyone else is false just because we have Quran at our disposal, we still think that we are a chosen people waiting for the redemption of Muslim ummah. We still can't break away from past, still have dreams about Khilafah. Khilafah had gone its course; it is a thing of the past; why are we still aiming for that outdated institution? Is it because the Quran demands it? I have read Quran a lot and I am pretty positive that Quran is not that into Khilafah, Syariah or Hudud, as we might have been told by outdated clerics and hardliners.

-We need to reform our religion. Why listen to clerics who does not want to change with the time? These clerics are being outpaced by the changing world, and they will say in their defense that we Muslims are now subject to some kind of ideological warfare, the so-called "ghazwul fikr", in which our Muslim faith is attacked by the outside forces, wanting to bring us away from this faith. Well, after all these years listening to sermons, studying ideologies and Islamic faith, and sometimes, teaching about Islamic faith myself, I am now pretty convinced that our Muslim faith is not under attack by any forces; instead, this whole Islamic systemic faith is getting hijacked by the fundamentalists who are afraid of any change. And the system is getting old and damaged.

-This Islamic system is like a ship; sometimes you have to repair it, sometimes you have to replace the sails, sometimes you have to upgrade it. But a ship that is old and beyond repair, needs to be replaced totally. The system has to be abandoned at some point.

-Yet Islamic faith is something that we have been entrusted with, something that we have to deliver to the next generations, and ultimately to God back on the Judgement Day. Islamic faith and system are entirely two different things, the Islamic system being the ship and the faith being the goods. If the ship is beyond repair, we must transfer the goods to another ship in order for the goods to be properly delivered. Faith is all that matters; these systems, these laws are not the things that mattered. Hence I am against fundamentalists.

-I know that what I have said here will have little effects on the world. And it is quite out of topic; Egyptians are rising against a dictator which is not a fundamentalist. So I will return back to the topic.

-Mubarak, and other kinds of dictators, monarchies, and dysfunctional democracies in the Muslim world are, on the other hand, resisting change. They are still under the impressions that the Western colonialism will once again emerge, and subdue Muslim countries. They are still teaching that stability and solidarity is everything, and in order to protect that, they still think that it is necessary to suppress ideas. Well, sometimes you have to suppress ideas that are stupid and wrong, but you can't suppress ideas by force only. And you can't suppress ideas with heavy-handed methods; they're not working that way. And suppressing ideas is not at all democratic; a real democracy is a state in which every idea gets to have their chances of being expressed.

-But the freedom of expressing views is only secondary to the thing that is in the heart of the whole protest; economic problems. Most people will not adhere to any ideology; they will be practical and not be interested in ideals. They will want to have a good education, good jobs, good money, and affordable prices. But this is not the case in Mubarak's regime: Rising unemployment, price hikes and widespread poverty is apparent. And despite the fact that Egypt's economy is expanding, the unemployment continues to be the norm, the income disparity continues to worsen, and the people can't taste that expanding economy's benefits. Every society can withstand this kind of situation for some time; but Egypt has reached a point when people can no longer tolerate this economic stagnation.

-Hence, I would like to conclude, that democracy is a very important thing. Liberty must be upheld. Economy must be expanded. However, the most important thing of all is that everyone must get to enjoy the benefits, lest a revolution shall happen.

-Long live Egypt. Get out, Mubarak.