Thursday, September 30, 2010

Prayer 1

Bless her, forgive her, protect her, grant her everything she wishes, and help her, O Almighty Lord.


Don't abandon me when I'm in distress, even when I am being ungrateful, or even when I am lost.

Our Lord, forgive me, forgive me my parents, forgive her, forgive her parents, forgive everyone of our families, forgive everyone of our friends. Verily You are A Subtle and All-Loving.

Our Lord, don't make my heart feel uncertain, and don't test me with unbearable tests.

You are My Lord, Ar-Rauf, Al-Wahid, Al-Latif.

O Allah, don't forsake me, even when I struggled to believe.

Give me a firm place to stand on, give me my daily provisions, give me a heart that grows stronger every and each day.

Grant me the best Ending, don't give me the worst Ending.

You are the Truth, your promises are true, your love is encompassing, your forgiveness is all-reaching.

Forgive me, my Lord, and witness my struggle, verily you are The Judge.

All Praises be to You, and There Is No God But You.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Religion 3

Atheism. What does it mean?

I remember it being Greek, "a" particle denotes the negative and "theos" meaning gods.
So it means, "no God(s)".

Well, I don't know. I was a Muslim, but as of now, I don't know whether I am still one.
I read Quran, I pray, I give alms, and I live my life the Muslim way, but deep inside, I wonder whether I still believe in God.

It's like the shahadah.
I still hold to my second part of shahadah, being "Muhammad is a Messenger of Allah."
But regarding the first part, I don't know.
I tried to convince myself in a lot of ways, to reaffirm my beliefs, but the faith keeps on eroding.

Blame the nihilism that still persists in me. The lack of the sense of my own existence leads me to sometimes think that the whole Creation doesn't exist.
Denying Creation is a grave thing. That means denying the role of God as the Creator and the Ruler.

Well, I have come to one certain conclusion, though. I am a fool. And a sinful one too.

Autumn

The autumn is coming.

Yeah. Quite euphoric about it.

But I am still sad, and feel guilty about lots of things.

It's hard to forgive oneself, especially if one betrays his own principles and ideals about himself.

Well, here comes autumn.

Sudden drop in temperature is one of the early signs. Just a few weeks ago, it was still scorching 35 degrees. Now, it's only 20 something. That's quite a lot.

The rain falls, for a few days in a row.

Sudden increase in falling leaves is also taking place. Well, the sakura leaves are no more for quite a time now.

I need to buy new clothes for the autumn.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Raya Di Perantauan

This year's Raya taught me a lot of things, and made me see things in a different way.

First of all is the hardship of Ramadan.
In Malaysia, it's all easy. There's no summer heat, no longer daylight times, and everyone is cooperating with you.
Here in Japan, it's a different story.
Summer heat, it was torture. I had to go for my band practice during the day, I had to walk in the brisking hot sun, I had to scream at the top of my lungs during practice (I am the vocalist) and after practice, every other band members drank 7-Up.
No wonder when I got home, I just drank up Lemon CC. I didn't care. I am thirsty, Lord forgive me.
Then you have the long daylight hours. At 4, it's already Fajr, and you have to wait till 6.30 something for Maghrib. It's fortunate that the summer is ending, so the days are becoming shorter and the temperature's getting more reasonably low.

Heh, that was Ramadan.

How about Eid?

No takbirs, don't know where to go for prayers, and no usual delicious food.
I ate soba for Eid. Not a good idea.

But yesterday's gathering with fellow Malaysians were fun and delighting. I get to meet a lot of new faces, and I really enjoy the gathering, especially because of the little girls-yeah, I think I'm really a pedophile bastard-putting that aside, it was really fun.

Autumn will come pretty soon. It's not that hot anymore.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

9/11

I've had enough with 9/11.

Well, of course it was indescribably a disastrous, tragic and cruel killings of many people who lived and loved.

But, the way Americans treat the incident is now making me feel rather like, I'm so sick of the way they talk about it.

They talk about 9/11 as if it was the cruelest thing that has ever happened. This made me feel angry towards Americans.

Are they ignorant towards the mass killings of the Hiroshima-Nagasaki population, which left both cities in total ruins, and killed much more people?

Or the heavy fighting in Manila that killed 100, 000 Filipinos?

Let's stop the statistics. It doesn't matter how many people got killed. Even if only one person got killed, it will still be a cruel and tragic thing.

But, the Americans, I think, needs to stop using 9/11 as an excuse to preach their beliefs while suppressing other's.

What's wrong with building the mosque?

Yeah, it's wrong. It might propagate the ideals of terrorism, Muslim fanaticism.

Well, the reason why terrorism and Muslim fanaticism happens nowadays is because their so-called enemy, which refers to Americans, support the establishment of Israel, in a Muslim land.

The establishment of Israel itself is a big slap in the Muslim face.

The Muslims just can't let those Jewish have The City of The Dome of The Rock as their capital city. If I were to make an analogy, this would compare to the Soviet Union, or Nazi having New York as their capital.

Well, I don't dare say much. And so many people would disagree.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

How I Wanted To Kiss You

I hope, even if I don't really believe, Inshallah, in this world, there can be peace.

And I also hope, that even if things wouldn't be the same again, Nur Afila, you would still be happy.
إِنَّمَا أَمْرُهُ إِذَا أَرَادَ شَيْئًا أَن يَقُولَ لَهُ كُن فَيَكُون
'His command is only when He intends a thing that he says a thing, "Be," and it is.'
-Quran, 36:83-

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Religion 2

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Today we would like to talk about a not-so-interesting topic called "Goddess Worship".

I would like to warn you that this "Goddess Worship" is a very, very dangerous thing. It can damage your heart, damage your brain, damage your lung, and damage your stomach as well.
Once you're involved with it, there's no way out.

Of course, if everything went well, then it will enhance your capability in almost everything you do. Study, sport, music, et cetera.

However, if it doesn't go according to plan, the consequences are severe.

You might end up an antisocial person who constantly has stomachaches and headaches. You will also lose your appetite, and this leads to loss of weight. You also get angry and sad much more often, and this will result in you having frequent fights and quarrels. You might get suicidal; trying to jump out of the room or slashing your arm can be a frequent thought in your mind.
Worse, you can only blame yourself for all these mess. You started it after all.

"I said don't bug with me, you rookie philosopher!"

What does this thing have to do with religion?

Well, like Quran said: Be careful with girls.

Depression 2

Depression has become a new norm in my life.
I feel it when I am too busy.
I feel it when I have no work at all.
I feel it when I try to sleep.
I feel it the moment I wake up.
I feel it as I bow down in prayers.
I feel it when I take a walk.
I feel it when I'm shopping.

I must be medically depressed. And I can only blame myself for letting myself fall through this mental spiral.

"Geh, stop stalking her already. You're giving me creeps."
"I know that already. You're bugging me, and you ain't no help at all. Go."
I hate this kind of monologue forever resonating in my mind.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Hampa

Bila tengah hampa dan kecewa kerana ada perkara yang berada di luar jangkauan, lagu-lagu di bawah menjadi rekomendasi untuk didendangkan. Skemanya bahasa, rasanya aku sudah tua. Lagu pun banyak lagu lama.

1. Cinta Hampa (d'Lloyd)
2. Kau Pergi Jua (Adam Ahmad)
3. Ku Tak Bisa (Slank)
4. Masihkah Kau Ingat (Kopratasa)

Aku sudah tua.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Religion 1

-W4lr6s 4: Only now I know what my faith is. The worship of the God of Music=Allah! Musical Islam.

W4lr6s 10: What? Don't make me laugh. Weren't you an atheist just moments ago?

Yvvkyr: I think he changed his mind.

Viramstein: Yeah, one day he's a Sunni, one day a Shiite, another day a Buddhist!