Saturday, October 31, 2009

Cynical Mind part 1

-The week of panic has come.

I can not sleep.

Mixed feelings overwhelm me.

Some may say:

"Lord won't burden you with something you can't bear."

That ain't the point.

It's not whether I can bear it or not.

But the question is:

"Why must he test us?"

To make sure that Hell got it's share of people?

Yes, I suppose.

Glory be God.

Hope I won't end up in Hell.

P:S-We don't realize it, but sometimes we hope that someone will go to hell for their sins.
Human's nature is to hate. We just can not love everyone.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

The Uncertainty

In Quran, there's a verse.

-Your Lord has not forsaken you, nor is he displeased.

Regarding my situation now......
Maybe Lord God has not forsaken me, but is he pleased?

Last Friday, I was so scared.

I found out that visa and passport photos were different in size. So after the class, I went to Mid Valley hurriedly to take visa-sized photos.

But misfortunes befallen me.

I got lost on my way to the parking space.
Then I lost the parking ticket.
Next, I got lost on my way back to IBT.
Worse, the bike I borrowed from my friend suddenly had a problem.
The engine shut off in the middle of the traffic jam.

I was terrified.

"Lord, what the fuck?"
"At this time when I'm in a big hurry?"

I could not turn the engine on again, even after trying many times.
It was very much like hell.

"Why at this time...."

I thought if I don't send in the photos, I will not be able to go to Japan.
I remembered my promise to myself.
I remembered my friends who have been dismissed from IBT.
I remembered my parents, my family.
I remembered my friends.
I remembered my dear kouhai.
I remembered my past.
I was scared.

"Lord, help me, what should I do?"

I panicked, didn't know what to do.

Then I remembered the phone.
I ignored the phone because I was on the road, riding the bike.

I called my friend.
He said he'll fetch me up.

Lucky Mid Valley and IBT are nearby.

My classmate saw me and I said to her about the bike.
I was panicked, so I ain't sure what I said.

Then my friend, who owned the bike turned up.
Seeing him, I hurried to the IBT.

Guess I was lucky, Bonda gave me time until Monday to finish the forms.

But I am still shaken.

Help me Lord.

No matter how much I despise being your servant, I am helpless without you.
Please Lord.

-"And say: "Work (righteousness), soon Allah will observe your work, and His Messenger, and the Believers, soon you will be brought back to the Knower of what is hidden and what is open, then will He show you the truth of what you did."-Quran, 9:105