Tuesday, August 31, 2010


It sometimes felt like it just happened yesterday. Other times, it felt like the thing never happened at all.
I wonder if the yesterdays are true, or the whole thing's a very bad, prolonged nightmare.
I wonder if suddenly, I wake up and found out I was still in primary school.
It is possible, that I'm right now writing on a blog that's not actually in existence.
It is possible, that I'm not actually existing; I'm just perceiving my own fake existence.
It is possible, that nothing exists.

Thinking this way, maybe the label "atheist" suits me.
But I don't think so.
This is because I'm not just rejecting God's existence, but the whole Creation's existence as well.
Well, maybe I just reject my own existence.
If I don't reject my existence, I can't forget.

I can't forget her.

But do I really exist?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Dreams 2

Don't know why I have to write about this in my blog, but I had one of the most lucid dreams I've ever had today, while I'm sleeping in a state of thirst. I ain't going into the details.
It's about her again, and I wonder why I had to woke up.

When I woke up, the conscious minds came into play.

"Forget it already, you won't get her anyway."
"Can't you see that the dream is as good only as a dream can be? It won't translate into reality."

I feel down. I hate reality. I hate the truth. I hate both of them, I'd kill them if I could.
As if I can.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

One-Side or Both Sides?

There are some situations in which you must listen only to one side of argument and ignoring the other side.


Mari aku cerita sikit.

Dalam kebanyakan hal, kita mesti dengar dari semua pihak. Pasal, most of the time, everyone says the truth, only incomplete, due to limited hindsight.
Ada je time ketika ada sorang dua cakap bohong. Ini pun sebenarnya kena ambik kira jugak.

Tapi, ada je situasi di mana kau tak patut dengar apa org lain cakap lepas mendengar satu pihak.
Contoh: Nabi Muhammad dgn Yahudi Madinah.
Dari cerita belah pihak Islam, Yahudi Madinah mengkhianat piagam Madinah, pasal tu mereka diperangi. Dan berakhir dgn semua lelaki dewasa Yahudi Madinah dibunuh.
Tapi kalau kau baca komentari sesetengah ahli sejarah, mereka akan cakap bahawa ini adalah bukti yang Islam itu anti Yahudi. Dan Nabi Muhammad telah melakukan kekejaman dgn membunuh semua lelaki Yahudi.

Ok lah, besar sangat cerita ni.

Satu situasi lagi. Semua orang tepi kau cakap bini kau curang. Bini kau sumpah demi Allah, dia tak curang, tapi semua org lain cakap dia curang. Time tu, apa kau nak buat?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Loved Ones, Far From My Two Eyes

I'm worried.

The news came that my house had been broken into last week. The burglar took away the hand-phone(s? I don't know exactly how many got stolen) and the laptop.
The burglary took place while my family broke their fast. Guess everyone's at the dining table, so no one's hurt. Thank God for that.
But the stolen laptop and hand-phone(s) mean that I'm as of now, out of contact with my family. Well, I have been out of contact with them for these three months, due to a lack of proper internet access in my home (just a few spur of wireless access), but now I basically lost direct contact with them.
Well, should I resort to traditional post-mails?

No wonder I feel so alone.

My loved ones, far from my two eyes.

I'm worried.

Saturday, August 7, 2010


-Perkataan 'jenuh'. Jarang orang Sarawak pakai perkataan ini. Biasanya mereka akan guna perkataan 'letih', 'lelah', 'penat' dan sinonim-sinonim serta hampir sinonim kepada perkataan ini.
Tapi hari ini, biar aku gunakan perkataan 'jenuh' untuk menggambarkan keadaan hidup aku sekarang.
Aku berasa betul-betul tua, dan tiada apa yang memberi perasaan dalam hidupku. Aku mungkin senyum, mungkin tertawa, tapi tawa aku tak datang dari lubuk sanubari yang paling dalam. Aku sudah tak pasti lagi.
Jenuh sudah aku memasang harapan. Aku betul-betul tak suka dengan konsep 'harapan' ini. Kalau aku betul-betul manusia, aku perlukan harapan. Tapi aku tak mau mengharapkan apa-apa lagi. Hanya satu sahaja cara untuk berhenti berharap dengan sepenuhnya. Berhenti menjadi manusia.
Tapi itu tak bisa terjadi, bukan?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Girl And Guitar

Pros over a Guitar

  1. Guitars are no fun when the power goes down
  2. You can't get your guitar wet
  3. Ever try to screw a guitar?
  4. The input to a guitar is only 1/4"
  5. A guitar won't beg to be played
  6. It's no fun to tie your guitar to a bed and spray whipped cream on it
  7. When playing a guitar, you can use your teeth, but not your tongue
  8. Guitars aren't very aggressive
  9. A guitar won't play you back, except in Soviet Russia, where guitar plays YOU!
  10. You need two hands to make a guitar scream
  11. A guitar won't scratch *your* back
  12. A guitar won't drive you home if you're too drunk
  13. A guitar doesn't care who plays it
  14. You can't play two guitars at once (unless you are michael angelo baito)
  15. You can't fall in love with a guitar (well, maybe you can, but they can't love you back)
  16. It's a lot more fun to stretch out a woman than guitar strings.
  17. Guitar lessons aren't free and aren't as much fun.
  18. If you really *do* want little guitars, you have to buy them.
  19. You can't marry a rich guitar.
  20. Even a good guitar won't usually last a whole lifetime.
  21. Guitars don't taste very good.
  22. A guitar won't give you head.
  23. Slapping a guitar on the ass with a pancake does not give you the same perverse pleasure as when you do it to your girlfriend.
  24. Playing a guitar won't make you feel sexy. It will make you feel lonely. And gay. Very very gay.
  25. Looking up pictures of guitars on the internet is not as fun as looking up pictures of nude women.
  26. Two guitars won't play eachother.
  27. You can't watch a guitar play itself.
  28. If you date a sexy girl, people will think you're a lucky son of a bitch. If you date a guitar, people will think you're a jackass.
  29. A guitar won't be impressed if you fight over it.
  30. Running a guitar rental isn't as gangsta as running a woman rental.

Why guitars can be Better

  1. A guitar has a volume knob
  2. If you break a guitar's G-string, it only costs $.79 for a new one
  3. You can make a guitar scream as loud as you want it to
  4. You can unplug a guitar
  5. You can finger a guitar for hours without it complaining it wants more
  6. Other people can play your guitar without it getting upset
  7. You can finger a guitar in public and get applause, not arrested
  8. You can have a guitar any color you want and no one will care
  9. You can make your guitar as tight as you want it just by turning a peg.
  10. If your guitar doesn't make sounds you like, you can return it
  11. You can use four fingers (eight, if you use both hands) at a time on a guitar
  12. If your guitar strings are too heavy, you can just get a lighter set
  13. You can have a guitar professionally adjusted to *your* liking
  14. If you scratch a guitar's back, it's unintentional, not required
  15. You can go to a guitar shop and play all the guitars you want for free
  16. It's good to have a guitar that's stretched out.
  17. You can take lessons on how to play a guitar without feeling embarrassed.
  18. You can rent a guitar without worrying about who rented it before you.
  19. You can play the guitar with your bare fingers and no protective covering.
  20. You can get rich playing a guitar, not broke.
  21. A guitar doesn't take half of everything you own when you sell it
  22. Guitars are turned on by you
  23. Guitars don't complain about how bad you are at playing a Guitar
  24. Fat guitars aren't men they're basses
  25. Playing a guitar is fun no matter how old you are.
  26. Guitars only have one input
  27. guitars dont have control over your every action to the point of you being their pet (noodle)
  28. Renting a guitar for a night won't get you in prison.
  29. You can play a guitar without getting consent from it.
  30. Guys won't beat the shit out of you for playing their guitars.