Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Girl And Guitar

Pros over a Guitar

  1. Guitars are no fun when the power goes down
  2. You can't get your guitar wet
  3. Ever try to screw a guitar?
  4. The input to a guitar is only 1/4"
  5. A guitar won't beg to be played
  6. It's no fun to tie your guitar to a bed and spray whipped cream on it
  7. When playing a guitar, you can use your teeth, but not your tongue
  8. Guitars aren't very aggressive
  9. A guitar won't play you back, except in Soviet Russia, where guitar plays YOU!
  10. You need two hands to make a guitar scream
  11. A guitar won't scratch *your* back
  12. A guitar won't drive you home if you're too drunk
  13. A guitar doesn't care who plays it
  14. You can't play two guitars at once (unless you are michael angelo baito)
  15. You can't fall in love with a guitar (well, maybe you can, but they can't love you back)
  16. It's a lot more fun to stretch out a woman than guitar strings.
  17. Guitar lessons aren't free and aren't as much fun.
  18. If you really *do* want little guitars, you have to buy them.
  19. You can't marry a rich guitar.
  20. Even a good guitar won't usually last a whole lifetime.
  21. Guitars don't taste very good.
  22. A guitar won't give you head.
  23. Slapping a guitar on the ass with a pancake does not give you the same perverse pleasure as when you do it to your girlfriend.
  24. Playing a guitar won't make you feel sexy. It will make you feel lonely. And gay. Very very gay.
  25. Looking up pictures of guitars on the internet is not as fun as looking up pictures of nude women.
  26. Two guitars won't play eachother.
  27. You can't watch a guitar play itself.
  28. If you date a sexy girl, people will think you're a lucky son of a bitch. If you date a guitar, people will think you're a jackass.
  29. A guitar won't be impressed if you fight over it.
  30. Running a guitar rental isn't as gangsta as running a woman rental.

Why guitars can be Better

  1. A guitar has a volume knob
  2. If you break a guitar's G-string, it only costs $.79 for a new one
  3. You can make a guitar scream as loud as you want it to
  4. You can unplug a guitar
  5. You can finger a guitar for hours without it complaining it wants more
  6. Other people can play your guitar without it getting upset
  7. You can finger a guitar in public and get applause, not arrested
  8. You can have a guitar any color you want and no one will care
  9. You can make your guitar as tight as you want it just by turning a peg.
  10. If your guitar doesn't make sounds you like, you can return it
  11. You can use four fingers (eight, if you use both hands) at a time on a guitar
  12. If your guitar strings are too heavy, you can just get a lighter set
  13. You can have a guitar professionally adjusted to *your* liking
  14. If you scratch a guitar's back, it's unintentional, not required
  15. You can go to a guitar shop and play all the guitars you want for free
  16. It's good to have a guitar that's stretched out.
  17. You can take lessons on how to play a guitar without feeling embarrassed.
  18. You can rent a guitar without worrying about who rented it before you.
  19. You can play the guitar with your bare fingers and no protective covering.
  20. You can get rich playing a guitar, not broke.
  21. A guitar doesn't take half of everything you own when you sell it
  22. Guitars are turned on by you
  23. Guitars don't complain about how bad you are at playing a Guitar
  24. Fat guitars aren't men they're basses
  25. Playing a guitar is fun no matter how old you are.
  26. Guitars only have one input
  27. guitars dont have control over your every action to the point of you being their pet (noodle)
  28. Renting a guitar for a night won't get you in prison.
  29. You can play a guitar without getting consent from it.
  30. Guys won't beat the shit out of you for playing their guitars.