-Just to make sure this is not yet another dream embedded within another dream.

Sungai Igan Menjadi Saksi

-Kalau sekarang ini aku dapat balik ke Sibu, aku akan terus ke kawasan kampung dahulu barangkali. Melihat saki-baki apa yang dahulunya bergelar Kampung Datuk Lama; Kampung Datuk Lama yang bakal tinggal sejarah seperti Kampung Nyabor dan Kampung Pulau, kampung yang tidak bernilai apa-apa di sisi pembangunan bandar, melainkan nilai sejarah yang barangkali sebenarnya tidak lebih daripada sentimen emosi semata-mata; nilai sejarah yang tidak punya tempat di dalam kamus urbanisasi dan globalisasi kontemporari dunia.

-Barangkali Tuhan sudah lama menentukan bahawa Dia akan melupuskan Kampung Datuk Lama dari muka dunia. Allah, tiada Tuhan melainkan Dia; buat apa kita mempersoal keadilannya? Keadilan itu bukan untuk kita para manusia untuk merealisasikannya; kita hanya mencuba yang terbaik, tapi menurut aku, keadilan datang tanpa peduli dan perlu menjawab kepada ilusi dan emosi manusia; Descartes ada membilang bahawa kesempurnaan Tuhan adalah terletak di sifat-Nya yang tidak punya emosi--kerana emosi itu adalah tanda bahawa sesuatu itu punya kebergantungan kepada sesuatu yang lain; dan kebergantungan adalah sifat yang mustahil bagi Tuhan mengikut Descartes; Tuhan yang Sempurna bergantung perlu dan harap kepada sesuatu yang tidak sesempurna Zat-Nya sendiri? Itu kontradiksi mengikut Descartes.

-Justeru aku tidak menyalahkan takdir atas kebakaran Kampung Datuk Lama. Semua yang terlibat secara langsung atau tidak langsung (aku hanyalah seorang yang merasakan pedihnya kehilangan tanda memori lama, tidak lebih dari itu) harus bergerak dan harus melangkah ke hadapan. Tinggalkan sahaja kenangan lama di masa silam yang tak akan berkunjung kembali.

-Itu sungguh sukar bagiku. Sungai Igan menjadi saksi.

Kampung Datuk Lama

-Back in the days when I was a carefree elementary school student, effortlessly beating everyone else in Abang Ali academically without any real effort at all, I used to bike a lot. I biked with a lot of my old friends--well, acquaintances; I never felt like I was really a part of their group, despite my honest intentions to befriend them; but I'm certain they were honest too--that I neglected my home work; that habit never really left me; but I figure that that's the reason why I was liked by my friends; the fact that I have obvious flaws makes me a more approachable, agreeable person. Perhaps.

-Any rate, back in the days of Abang Ali, I rode my bike a lot. And Kampung Datuk Lama was the place where I would usually go for a ride. I'd ride my bike along the usual route; it wasn't just Kampung Datuk Lama, usually my repertoire included Kampung Hilir and Quarters Penjara, with occasional detouring into Kampung Nangka. And I'd ride alone or with friends; most of the time alone, but greeting friends along the way. It was fun. A great way to spend (or waste) your time, by going on a ride.

-Kampung Datuk Lama which used to be my playground now remains a memory. Almost every, if not all homes were consumed in the fire today. I can't believe it.

-My memories were burnt. I know this is bound to happen; this has happened before in Kampung Hilir. With that kind of village planning and building materials, if a fire breaks out, it's almost certain that there's gonna be multiple house getting caught in the fire. But I thought that someone else who can really do something about it would notice first...I thought that it was obvious.

-Well, goodbye Kampung Datuk Lama. I shall sorely miss you; my childhood burnt down.

Sunni, Shiite, Scandals, Sex, Segregation, Sacrifice, Sadness,Shit

-Syria is at war. Who fucking cares? The reason why it is getting worse is because we care too much. But lo, we care too much about nothing except for our own selves and our own kind. The others can go disappear; the others are vermin; they're apostates, not human enough, not Muslim enough, Godless; they're Antichrist soldiers! Yeah; and we are righteous people fighting for our rights. OUR rights.

-Fucking selfish reasons turned religious. A conflict that was formerly based on the struggle for liberty and democracy became a war being made holy and Godly; was it Bashar's fault that everyone turned to religion, in the hope that somehow God who we know causes EVERYTHING in this world to happen will be on their side? It's easy to blame al-Assad the Alawite; but much harder to realize that turning this war into a religious conflict is going to blow every little shit up! La haula wa la quwwata illa billah.

-Everyone is in the holy war mode; waiting for Jesus the so-called Messiah to end the misery of the people; human is indeed weak. Everything seems to be pre-planned by the God Most High Himself! There's no more 'power to the people;' now it's all 'Allahu Akbar.' And thus, the fight continues on; perhaps the Jews are to be blamed, instead; who had that 'great, creative, legendary' idea to create the State of Israel in a land that has been Muslim for 1000 years? Ah, let's forget about history. Blaming and hating people is easy; Hating the Jews is especially tempting; it's almost religious, it's Sunnah Nabi! (remember; Muhammad did allow that corporal punishment against the 400 Jews) But it does not solve anything. When will people realize?

-Sunni and Shiite will again be at war. So much for ukhwah Islamiyyah. So much for reconciliation. So much for democracy. Hatred is everywhere; apocalyptic religious fervor cement this hatred; Jews, Christians, Muslims, even atheists, got stuck up in a nonsensical war.

-This world is indeed cruel. How do I accept it? "There are things one can't change;" How do I accept this?