Friday, December 31, 2010

Time 2

-We work under the assumption we will live to see the other day. We plan our lives according to an assumption we we live to see the day our plan culminates. Yet, as we know, Death does not care whether you're young or old. Death visits anyone, and it visits everyone when the time has come, regardless of whether the person is a Muslim or not, a man or a woman (or a gay), is a bachelor, married or divorced, is still studying or well into retirement. Death does not care. He will come, when Lord says so.

-When we celebrate 2011, we must keep this thing in mind. We are not getting any younger. I may be in no position to preach to dear readers, considering my fading faith in God and my pessimism, but I think that I have a right to say what is on my mind: We need to improve our lives.

-Even though it will not be an easy path, and quite possibly impossible to do (supposedly we die tomorrow), I still believe that somehow we must utilize our strength at an utmost level, to bring a positive change in ourselves.

-No one knows about the future. Maybe in 10 minutes, I will get killed or commit suicide or get a heart attack. No one knows for sure. Which is more the reason why we must plan and act. Cherish the present, one of my old friend said. Let go of the past, and prepare for future, but never forget that we are always in the present moment. We are not going to be back in the past, and future always arrives in the guise of 'present', catching us off the guard.

-Night always turns into day, but maybe we won't survive the night. However, it is not the reason to forsake all our plans for tomorrow.


-2011. I am still lost.

-No. I had found a way, but got lost of the track.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Get Lucky

-I hope I will get lucky these days. As my self-centrist desires urge me to stay living, my mind tells me I am breaking apart, my hearts tells me I am already insane, and my behavior suggests that I am really insane. One of these days I might grab my cigarette and smoke 2 full boxes in a day, watch insane pornos and complain that it is boring, or play my guitar until my fingers bleed.

-It feels like my heart is collapsing from within, the vacuum inside my heart being compressed and I tell you, the pain is physical: I found it harder to breathe now (clearly due to heavy smoking), and my chest is constantly in pain, as if the ribs are falling apart inside.

-The cold winds of winter doesn't help me ease my pain; rather, they made me feel sicker of myself. I feel like there's a hollow in my heart; It is dark, and no light can penetrate it.

-I have to get lucky.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


No, I ain't referring to the English rock band.

What I want to say this time is the fact that I am not looking for my soul mate. Yeah, I am not looking for the One; in fact, I don't think I have a soul mate.
Instead, I am looking for muse.
A girl (or a few girls-love comes and goes, hence people who believed the love is eternal must review their aqidah, because only God, Paradise and Hell is supposed-I repeat, is supposed to be eternal) that can inspire me to strive and start living, that is my muse.
But then, my realistic and nihilistic part of me would retort to this ideal:
"Fuck off, you fucking Servant of Allah!"
My romantic part would then reply:
"Why is it so?"
My Arabicised part would say:
"I think you are an atheist, though," exclaimed the sarcastic Marxist me.

And I would think then, "what the hell?"