Get Lucky

-I hope I will get lucky these days. As my self-centrist desires urge me to stay living, my mind tells me I am breaking apart, my hearts tells me I am already insane, and my behavior suggests that I am really insane. One of these days I might grab my cigarette and smoke 2 full boxes in a day, watch insane pornos and complain that it is boring, or play my guitar until my fingers bleed.

-It feels like my heart is collapsing from within, the vacuum inside my heart being compressed and I tell you, the pain is physical: I found it harder to breathe now (clearly due to heavy smoking), and my chest is constantly in pain, as if the ribs are falling apart inside.

-The cold winds of winter doesn't help me ease my pain; rather, they made me feel sicker of myself. I feel like there's a hollow in my heart; It is dark, and no light can penetrate it.

-I have to get lucky.