Thursday, September 16, 2010

Religion 3

Atheism. What does it mean?

I remember it being Greek, "a" particle denotes the negative and "theos" meaning gods.
So it means, "no God(s)".

Well, I don't know. I was a Muslim, but as of now, I don't know whether I am still one.
I read Quran, I pray, I give alms, and I live my life the Muslim way, but deep inside, I wonder whether I still believe in God.

It's like the shahadah.
I still hold to my second part of shahadah, being "Muhammad is a Messenger of Allah."
But regarding the first part, I don't know.
I tried to convince myself in a lot of ways, to reaffirm my beliefs, but the faith keeps on eroding.

Blame the nihilism that still persists in me. The lack of the sense of my own existence leads me to sometimes think that the whole Creation doesn't exist.
Denying Creation is a grave thing. That means denying the role of God as the Creator and the Ruler.

Well, I have come to one certain conclusion, though. I am a fool. And a sinful one too.

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