Friday, December 9, 2011


-According to the Muslim calendar, around 11 months from now, I am going to be 23.

-According to the Western calendar, I am 21 and a half years old.

-Despite being 21 years old, I still behave like a 13-year old brat sometimes, and this sometimes bothers me a lot.

-Being 21 years old, I somehow felt very old, despite the fact that most would say that 21 is an age of youth, and this might be to my religiously inclined thoughts on life: you will die one day, maybe you will die tomorrow, Death doesn't care whether you're old or you're young, if it's your time, it's your time, you can't fasten it nor can you delay it.

-This gives me anxiety. I was told throughout my youth as a student, having a Muslim background in a strongly Muslim-influenced society, that as a man, one has to fight for Islam; All one's prayers, doings, life and death are for Allah only, hence every struggle of life must be done with Allah being the foremost in mind. This pressures me a lot; "What am I supposed to do?"

-Many people say that if you really are struggling for God, God will clear the path for you. Yet what I see before me is a ridiculously hazy path, with no signs to guide me. Maybe God does clear your path. It's just that I am pursuing the wrong path. But then, I see the so-called God-cleared path taken by most people who claim to believe; somehow, their path seems wrong to me, I don't think that it is really the path for me, I can't take that, going there would be against my conscience.

-Well, some people say human conscience can be manipulated by the Devil. To that I would respond: "Then who controls the Devil, the fallen Satan?"

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