-I have to admit, I am not even sure whether I do believe, no matter how little.
-I am not sure about the truth of the Scriptures, about the truth of the teachings of Muhammad, about everything regarding the religion.
-I am also not sure that any religion, any person, any book, any word or anything else, can convince me beyond doubt that somehow the Ultimate Truth does exist.
-But in the end, it seems like as of now, Islam is still the only religion for me. I grew up with it, I used to believe it, my behaviors and philosophy is dictated by it, and the recitation of Quran and adhan are still one of the best melodies I've ever heard.
-Then why am I writing this?
-I saw the world full of tragedies. I saw the people full of worries. I saw the future full of uncertainties Too many things have happened, too many tears have we cried. And yet the heaven seems to be far away; heck, it might have not even be real in the first place.
-I've seen how friendships are lost in the name of religion and faith. How people ceased becoming friends due to differences in life philosophy. How people engaged in pointless and stupid arguments trying to figure out the truth, to figure out what God wants; heck, God might not even exist.
-I saw Muslims, I saw Christians, I saw Buddhists, I saw Hindus, I saw Jews, I saw atheists, and I see that they are all suffering in the same plane of existence, and by Lord, they are all pointing hands at each other, blaming all of the problems on somebody else; that is for me, the worst mistake ever, to point at others mistakes, whilst thinking that one is "chosen by God", "viceroy of God", "children of God" and hence thinking that somehow, God is always with you and not with the others.
-How painful to see all of these problems, be it religious or secular, be it big or small, plaguing our little existence. And they said that these problems are part of God's love; the more you are loved, the more you are tested with both pain and success. If that is so, the ones who are loved more, should be the ones who are sadder, who can't believe, who commits sins all the time; the religious and the pious should be the ones being loved less. Yet this is somehow contradictory; for the pious, Heaven and for the sinful, Hell. How can God love you and yet you still go to Hell?
-Of course, I can see the wrongs with the arguments above; after all, it is a test, God is testing you as a sign of His Love, and it is up to us, to complete that relationship, by trying to please Him, by being more religious and kind. But if God does Love us, He wouldn't really care about us loving Him, doesn't He? He wouldn't got so angry that we are neglecting our religious and spiritual aspects, doesn't He? And yet, He got angry; but then this anger, might still be a sign of Love; He is angry at us, because we are not being honest to ourselves, harming ourselves by denying ourselves our honesty, denying ourselves our birthrights to His Love.
-But God is All-Forgiving, God is All-Understanding. Either that, or He's no God! I distance myself from people who attributes constant Anger and being Judgmental as part of His God's attribute; that is an insult to God. And we shouldn't cast anger and judgment on others, either; Only God can do that.
-Oh, how did I lost faith to The Almighty, how unworthy I am of His Mercy, I shouldn't have listened to the fake prayer-mongers, I should have known better, that these people can't exactly know what God wants the most, they don't know Lord, they are blind and they don't even notice that they are blind-how far have I transgressed.
-Islam is still the only religion for me.
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