Being freedom is good, to some extent. But too much freedom will make you unable to do anything. You cannot aim because there's no aim, you cannot climb because there's no wall, you cannot run because there's no drive urging you to run, you cannot distinguish up and down because there's no gravity, you lost the way because there's no path, you cannot think logically because the reality seems unreal, God seems rather ungodly, and your own faith doesn't believe in you.
Call me ungrateful, but these days, I couldn't make myself feel any gratitude at all.
Call me an unbeliever, but I think I lost my capacity to have faith.
Call me a loser, but I think I can never win. After all, I'm not fighting.
I feel defeated.
But still, I'm fine. I'm not dead yet.
And the fact that I'm not dead means that I'm still fighting, and I'm not defeated yet.
When I think of my situation that way, yeah, I think I am really fine.