Get Stronger

-I just need to be stronger than before.

Depression 4

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	High
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	Moderate
Borderline Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Disorder:	High
Avoidant Disorder:	Very High
Dependent Disorder:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
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W4LR6S

Today, I want to tell you about my alter ego. Yeah, that non-pronounceable name.

The concept of W4lr6s is:

1. He was born after the real person whom he actually is in real life, was rejected angrily by a girl.The ego came out, furious and stressful, but way too cowardly to speak up in real life, so he showed up in that real person's writings.

2. W4lr6s has no good intentions. What he wants is to ultimately kill God and become God himself. However, this is a ridiculous and impractical idea, which makes him all the more depressed. W4lr6s takes pleasure in absolutely nothing, and hates everything.

3. w4lr6s is a depressed man, and his depression makes him feel old, rusty and dead. He is convinced he will go to Hell, and he does not want Heaven, for he hates the God. W4lr6s is also a pedophile, and while he can't enjoy anything, seeing little girls does make him smile.

4. W4lr6s has some issues regarding his own existence. He questions everything, and does not believe that there is a single thing called truth. He believes that everything is a lie, even his own beliefs. Which of course adds up to his depressions.

5. W4lr6s despises Abdul Rauf. Both of them, sharing a single body, mind and conscience, constantly fight with each other, resulting in periodical madness and unending monologues. W4lr6s wants to kill Abdul Rauf, but is too cowardly to face the consequences.

It's A Lovely Winter Out There

-It's a lovely winter out there. The morning has finally came, and I have had a sleepless night. Well, I will just sleep throughout the day, so there will be no worries about having not enough sleep.

-It's a lovely winter out there, and I am still here in my room, waiting for miracles, miracles that I don't believe in to happen. That is all I've been doing all this time, waiting. I want to act, a real concrete act, but frankly, I don't know what to do.

-It's a lovely winter out there, and there are lots of nice and great people out there for me to go and socialize with. However, I don't seem to want much socializing with anyone right now, and I blame the cold sunny winter weather for that.

-It's a lovely winter out there, and it seems that I am not going to be a selfless person. I am self-centered, I always think that the world revolves around me, and sometimes I wish I were the God Himself. If I were the One True Lord, then I can do whatever I want, and anyone who does not comply and submit to me, I will send them to hell. It's easy. And being God, I will always be right, make right decisions, plan perfectly and correctly calculate everything, with no one to judge me, and no one to fight me, except they are losing the battle.

-It's a lovely winter out there, and I looked at myself and sighed: I am just a servant of Allah.

Time 2

-We work under the assumption we will live to see the other day. We plan our lives according to an assumption we we live to see the day our plan culminates. Yet, as we know, Death does not care whether you're young or old. Death visits anyone, and it visits everyone when the time has come, regardless of whether the person is a Muslim or not, a man or a woman (or a gay), is a bachelor, married or divorced, is still studying or well into retirement. Death does not care. He will come, when Lord says so.

-When we celebrate 2011, we must keep this thing in mind. We are not getting any younger. I may be in no position to preach to dear readers, considering my fading faith in God and my pessimism, but I think that I have a right to say what is on my mind: We need to improve our lives.

-Even though it will not be an easy path, and quite possibly impossible to do (supposedly we die tomorrow), I still believe that somehow we must utilize our strength at an utmost level, to bring a positive change in ourselves.

-No one knows about the future. Maybe in 10 minutes, I will get killed or commit suicide or get a heart attack. No one knows for sure. Which is more the reason why we must plan and act. Cherish the present, one of my old friend said. Let go of the past, and prepare for future, but never forget that we are always in the present moment. We are not going to be back in the past, and future always arrives in the guise of 'present', catching us off the guard.

-Night always turns into day, but maybe we won't survive the night. However, it is not the reason to forsake all our plans for tomorrow.

Righteous

-2011. I am still lost.

-No. I had found a way, but got lost of the track.

Get Lucky

-I hope I will get lucky these days. As my self-centrist desires urge me to stay living, my mind tells me I am breaking apart, my hearts tells me I am already insane, and my behavior suggests that I am really insane. One of these days I might grab my cigarette and smoke 2 full boxes in a day, watch insane pornos and complain that it is boring, or play my guitar until my fingers bleed.

-It feels like my heart is collapsing from within, the vacuum inside my heart being compressed and I tell you, the pain is physical: I found it harder to breathe now (clearly due to heavy smoking), and my chest is constantly in pain, as if the ribs are falling apart inside.

-The cold winds of winter doesn't help me ease my pain; rather, they made me feel sicker of myself. I feel like there's a hollow in my heart; It is dark, and no light can penetrate it.

-I have to get lucky.