Thursday, January 28, 2010

Goodbye IBT

What a day.
Graduation ceremony's over.
The song went pretty well, so happy nothing went wrong.

But this thing means that my time in IBT is over.

The things that I never knew before, I learned here.
The friends that I never met before, I met them here.
The sun that I never knew existed, I saw her here.
It's quite sad, to leave these all behind.

But I am going to take the memories along with me.

Just like a dream, and it's over.
Nothing, really nothing but God, lasts forever.

103:1


103:2

103:3

By time,
Indeed, mankind is in loss, Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.

Al-Quran, 103:1-3

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Face Reader

Messy, depressed, introverted, feels invisible, does not make friends easily, nihilistic, reveals little about self, fragile, dark, bizarre, feels undesirable, dislikes leadership, reclusive, weird, irritable, frequently second guesses self, unassertive, unsympathetic, low self control, observer, worrying, phobic, suspicious, unproductive, avoidant, negative, bad at saving money, emotionally sensitive, does not like to stand out, dislikes large parties, submissive, daydreamer.....

I took a face reader test, gave my photo and these are the results......which I found out to be mostly accurate.....unfortunately....

Monday, January 18, 2010

These Days

It's almost over now.
These days, I feel quite lost.
Emptiness is quite dreadful, innit?

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Empty Chest

I don't know anymore.
What should I do to fill the empty chest?
Hugging my pillow? Praying the whole night? Talking a walk, feeling f**king lonely and miserable?
Well, I guess this is life.
In exchange for relatively a genius learning brain, I have little talent for real life.
F**king miserable, unhealthy body, dirtied minds, impure heart.
A fool. A maniac. A loser. An unbeliever.
A writer who can't put it into spoken words.
That's what I thought of myself, indulging in self-pity, unable to blame anyone.
But if I were to continue thinking like that, I'll really become one.
This is my dilemma. Stuck, frustrated, emptied, broken, weathered.
Just like a big shit. F**king miserable. F**king shit. F**king everything.
It's just a big, f**king world out there, and it feels like I'm the only one with these feelings, despite of everything I saw, heard and believe.
F**king, easily broken technologies don't help me feel better at all.
F**king pictures of me remind me of my ugliness.
F**king miserable. Shit. Shit. Piss it.
Piss on everything I hate.
I hate. I hate. I HATE!!!!!!!!!
Well, Love alone can save me, but does Love exists?
Just like the Lord Allah.
Yes, exists He is, but I can't feel it sometimes.
At the times I need to feel Him the most.
Just like Love.
Locking my heart, and not promising.
These feeling sucks.
F**k!F**k! F**K!!!!!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Wai, wai.....

"Woi, melai atang mei temu."

"Ek, atang ji. Nou dengah?"

"Debei nou-nou. Samah mak. Debei gerek, didak kerejah, selalu menak kerejah paloi, salak keman, alu gastrik. Bak call apak mak tang kubu, mei tao nou bak diitir. Bak kelakar nang sakai, mei tao bak kelakar nou. Bak mesej nyin, mei tao nyin bbales ka mei aluk, dahla kghedit mubei ji...."

"Nang alah kaau yu. Tijou tukang mudip alil. Nawan bik nasihat, mei luk taah, marah-marah. Nawan mei lalek kaau, kaau tao sunyi indah."

"Nou ubak kaau?"

"A, a, pilak, atang ji ubak kou. Cuba kaau kak marah siing. Mun bak ubak paloi aluk kaau marah, tapi nang paloi ji, bak mudei kubah gaya?"

"Mei buh la kelakar alah dun ji. Sasik pilak in ji."

"Mei buh disasik kaau lou ih. Just some pathetic shit trying to get some f***ing attention."

"YANG KAAU IH KELAKAR KASAR ANGAI HAL AKOU IH BEKNOU? BAK BERDALOU KENAH! BUKUT ALUK NANGIH, CONGEK, DEBEI GUNAH LALU!"

"CUBA A! BUKAN KAAU KENAH BBUKUT AKOU!"

"BEKNOU? BAK KEBES KAAU IH! T*K*I! PALOI! LEMBIK!"

"KAAU............!!"

And they fight, but no one can see, because they are just one same person, having to deal with homesickness......

Saturday, January 9, 2010

The Issues Regarding The Usage of Name "Allah" Part 3

They have certainly disbelieved who say, " Allah is the Messiah, the son of Mary" while the Messiah has said, "O Children of Israel, worship Allah , my Lord and your Lord." Indeed, he who associates others with Allah - Allah has forbidden him Paradise, and his refuge is the Fire. And there are not for the wrongdoers any helpers.
They have certainly disbelieved who say, " Allah is the third of three." And there is no god except one God. And if they do not desist from what they are saying, there will surely afflict the disbelievers among them a painful punishment.
Surah Al-Maidah.....Al Quran 5.72-73

Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One, Allah , the Eternal Refuge, He neither begets nor is born, Nor is there to Him any equivalent."
Surah Al -Ikhlas.....Al Quran 112:1-4

Of course Islam rejects trinity, and divinity of Jesus (Isa), as stated above....
...but I did not see a verse in Quran saying that we Muslims must prevent others using the name Allah.

And we Muslims, are NOT, I repeat, NOT in any circumstances, even in wars, I repeat, EVEN IN WARS, to attack any religion's worship buildings. We are instead required to PROTECT, NOT ATTACKING them. Those who do the contrary, has broken the law, be it civil law, or Islamic law......

Plus, in East Malaysia, church services are conducted in Malay. Me, a Melanau by ethnic, have many first cousins and friends who are Christian, be they Catholic, Methodist, SIB, or such.....they, for a very long time, used the term Allah!
There is no single word in Melanau language, and perhaps other Bumiputera language as well, that could translate "Allah", or "Tuhan", or "God", or even "Dewa" properly.
Say, Melanau.....Ipok? That's "semangat" in Malay.
Iban.......Betara? More like Malay "dewa".
Even Tuhan will not suffice. Why? Because they are used to the word Allah, and substituting it with 'Tuhan' will be downright awkward.

And these "No Allah for Non-Muslims" say that Muslim aqidah (faith) will be confused.
I wonder, whose faith will be confused.
Muslims who understand their religion properly....or those who don't?
This "confusing Muslims" excuse, are just an excuse to close Muslims' eyes towards the neglect of mualafs (Muslim new converts), the loopholes and weak parts in Pendidikan Islam education systems, errors in our Muslim authority systems and our "state religion" concept itself!

For me, as a Muslim, rather than wasting time and effort to prevent Christians or any other religion from using "Allah", we the Muslim as a whole must strengthen the Islamic education. Strengthen our faith, and it won't sway so easily.....
Heheheh.....too Islamic?