Fearful 2

-One of my friends had returned safely from the blessed land of Hejaz, from the city of Makkah and Madinah, after completing his umrah. Barakallah alaika Kuloh.

-On the other hand, life goes on as usual.

-Can't we see there's something amiss?

-Thinking about this, makes me feel fearful.

Time 3

-Time passed by quickly. Soon, I will have my 21st birthday, and this time I won't expect nothing. Expectations only let you down; hence I won't ask for anything.

-In an unrelated subject, apparently dear Taib Mahmud, the longtime Chief Minister (Iban: Kepala Menteri) has decided to step down before the next election, according to Utusan Malaysia, the notorious, increasingly unreliable Malaysian newspaper.

-Duh. Doesn't mean anything much to me, currently trapped in Osaka, laboring and studying hard, albeit half-heartedly (might I also say half-assedly), in Philosophy Major. I have got no time to deal with no Chief Minister stepping down. It is overdue, anyway.

-Then, we have got news regarding the death of Osama bin Laden, this century's most celebrated figure, next to Justin Bieber. Some people, who doesn't care about Good and Evil (apparently that includes me as well) might wish that Bieber might be the next one to go. God forbid, for many of the Bieber's underage fans will cry, as if he were their husband.

-Duh. Enough of this thing, I have got no time for no bin Laden's death.

(Interlude: "Shouldn't you be praying that God forgive his soul?"

Outro: "I won't do something that offends lots of other souls."

Interlude: "But you said that you don't care about Good and Evil."

Outro: "Yup, but as it turned out, I happen to be a lazy, God-only-knows-how-evil-he-is person. So, the only thing that I would say is: 'To God do we return'.")

-Of course, whether God does exist depends on what you want to believe, and whether you do believe that God is kind enough to be authoring Scriptures for humans to read.

-Duh. I need to repent. Time is running short.

Better

-I'm feeling much better.

-I don't know why. Is it because of the summer, is it because of the shining sun, is it because of the flowers in the garden that blossoms? Well, I couldn't care less about the reason.

-What is important is that I'm feeling better.

-"All praise is due to Allah, Creator of the Heavens and the Earth, who made the angels messengers having wings two, three or four. He increases in creation what He wills. Indeed, Allah is over all things competent." (Quran, 35:1)

-At least I am feeling better for now. Depression don't disappear once you have them. It is there to stay.

Questioning Desires

-Am I still spiritually alive?

3 O'clock In The Morning

-I can't sleep.

-I miss everyone.

-I miss all the good times, it feels almost as if the Heaven was in the past.

-I am afraid of the future, I am afraid of time, I am afraid of the world. The world is getting nastier each day, one might wonder if God had actually forsaken this world and condemned it to Armageddon, leaving the inhabitants full with their anxieties and worries.

-It doesn't seem to get better each day. The life is increasingly depressing, and the obligations and the responsibilities gets heavier, and time is running short on me. With all of these, many of the people around me, including me, try to adjust, some by being more religious, some by being less religious, some by engaging in relationships, some by immersing themselves in more works or ideologies, and some just let themselves get dragged by the time, going with the flow.

-Yeah, it's hopeless. It's hopeless for those who let themselves fall down the grace, and sink down into the abyss of life. But some are still hopeful, some are still full of energy, some are being re-energized and some still try to carry on, albeit with little strength.

-What position am I in, then?

-Sometimes, I feel like giving up. Sometimes, I feel like running away. But if I give up, then what should I do? If I want to run away, where do I escape? And what from?

-And I think, maybe I am not the only one. No, it is the fact that I am not the only one. Everyone wants to take shelter from the cruelties of this world. Some find it in their beloved ones, some find it in religion, some find it in their friends, but some people are still unable to shelter themselves from the world.

-I don't consider myself a religious person anymore, but maybe it would be appropriate to quote from the Quran here; I still rely on Quran for spiritual health.

إِنَّا نَحْنُ نُحْيِي وَنُمِيتُ وَإِلَيْنَا الْمَصِيرُ

-"Indeed it is We who give life and cause death, and to Us is the destination."(Quran, 50:43)

-I don't know. It's already 3 o'clock in the morning.

Waiting

I am waiting.

Say "God is One"

-I never thought it could be.

-I always felt it was "somewhere else"

-Even though before, I was indeed concerned and worried about catastrophes, and trying to assess them as if I were involved, this time, I just feel sick. I can't assess anything, I'm just plain depressed. And I am not exactly directly affected.

-Hence I am just stressing that God, if He does exist, and I do believe somehow He exists, is worthy of praise, worthy of fear, worthy of love.

-Remember, that God is One.