-If religion is just about logic, reason and the meaning of life, then we would not have religions we currently have in our human society. No; religions are shaped also by our human emotions; insecurity, weakness, revenge, fear, greed, egoism, prejudice, love, anger, sadness, nostalgia and hate. That's why I don't believe in religion, nor do I believe in God; religion is human, and God is a product of our human capacity.
-But then again, I also realized that my rejection is human in nature, driven by my human intelligence and cemented by my human desire. Islam envisioned a God that is "mukhalafatuhu lil hawadith" (different from anything that's new), which implies that God in Islam is BEYOND what we can perceive; No one can actually worship this kind of God, as it is just impossible to reach such a God (hence rejecting this God would have been as equally senseless as worshiping him; but here it's no longer the question of it being sensible or not; it's now a matter of emotion; that's why some people kill in the name of God, while others love in the name of God). Hence theoretically speaking, Islam really is not about worshiping this God; it is about shaping humans.
-Which presents us with a problem; can such a feat be achieved? The feat has at its foundation the idea that there is such a thing called 'human' that is definable and tangible. 'Human' here is not just a physical-biological animal; 'human' is an idea, a concept. This concept has to be invented; only then can one begin to lay out the ideals for the ethics and religion that is to be imposed on this 'human.' Thus the 'prophet' in Islam. Those weren't historical figures; they were a fictionalized version of Abram, Moshe, Dawed, Shlomo, Yohanna and Yeheshua; a version fitted up to meet Islam's arguments, a version that is radically and fundamentally different from the Bible accounts. Why such radical differences? Because there is a revolution, regarding the nature of 'human'; no longer are 'human' viewed as given, but instead a whole new paradigm of human as 'abid' that is subservient to 'God' (explore other religions; there's not as much emphasis on the relation between God and human as being 'master-slave' relationship; this is radically different with the idea of Christian 'Father-Son", with the idea of Judaism's "Deity-Chosen People"; it's a new thing.) Did Muhammad envision such a thing? Truth be told, perhaps no; but perhaps yes; but it is not intended as a lie. Islam is, from this point of view, a religion of truth: Truth the way Muhammad saw it.
-But then, Muhammad is just a human, and so the religion he established was also human in nature. It is a flawed religion; with too much emphasis on the nature of human as slaves to God, there is just no way those slaves can bring themselves to rule their own selves; that is the reason why dictatorship, monarchy and authoritarian rule has been the rule in many Muslim countries over the past century; not even the secular Turkey escaped the tendency. Why? Because the Muslims largely don't want to rule; "leaders will get judged in Judgement Day the most." So the idea of democracy is fundamentally very challenging, if not incompatible, with the Islam theology. This theology is very deeply ingrained, and also infectious: the person who established the Baathist ideology, with its emphasis on purportedly 'Islamic' tendencies, marrying it with authoritarianism, was not a Muslim (Michel Aflaq was a Christian) but even a Christian, after years of living with Muslims (even a very secular one; even an ex-Muslim), will get influenced by Islam. The idea of human being a mere slave will surely make Jean-Paul Sartre mad; Sartre was a person who firmly believed that human is 'cursed to freedom'. I don't expect such a person would yield to Islam's ideas regarding human. Islam is never about freedom. Quran has nothing regarding freedom; it's all about submitting to God, and only by submitting to a reality you can't fight, you can find peace. Imam Shafi'e said to abandon rebellion; a rebellion against reality would strike him as being stupid, naive and misguided at best, and a borderline blasphemy, if not sheer madness at worst. But then again one has to struggle with reality. "Jihad" would mean to be this struggle; so does the word "Israel", which in Hebrew would mean 'one who struggles with God'. It's an honor given to Yaakov to be having this name; In Torah it is said that Yaakov won a wrestling match against God! Now that would really defy Islam's vision of 'master-slave'. Which means that Judaism has to be Islam's archenemy. How can a slave struggle against his master? That is blasphemous! But Judaism view humans not as a slave of God. For the Jews, they are God's own People. It was a tribal God; and being tribal, it is totally acceptable for such a God to be almost human in nature; asking Abram to kill Yitzhak and Ishmael as a test of faith, despite already knowing the result He himself was going to give; such playfulness! Isn't that human nature to be playful? But this is not Islam's Allah! No! Allah is beyond anything that is new. So trying to talk about the nature of Allah is going to be pointless; let's talk about human instead. But it's going to cause problems, because 'human' isn't a concept existing in nature. 'Human' is human's invention, invented through language. But language is invented by human. Hence we have yet another circle; "human-language, language-human" Of course, this is just a wordplay; but from this one should be able to deduct that human's attempt to describe human is at best a naive attempt. More often it is at its worst; we treat gays badly, we treat minorities badly, we treat other races badly, we treat believers of other religions badly, we badmouth each other. Why? Because these people would not fulfill our idea of what a 'human' should be like. This discrimination happens with or without religion; but religions have this knack of institutionalizing this discrimination, and moreover, justifies it. Read the Bible and its condemnation of the Egyptians and Canaanites; read the Quran, and its condemnation against the polytheists and the Jews ('the Jews and the Christians will not be happy with you until you follow them'); this religious justification, once institutionalized and sanctified by making them part of the Scriptures, is very hard to be dealt with. Of course Muhammad's idea is to eliminate Judaism and Christianity (among other religions), converting everyone to Islam, so the hatred would not last; ideally Muslims should hate Christianity, not the Christians. But this is not happening; one simply does not have the energy to convince everyone.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Menginsafi Dharma
-Kadang-kala dalam hidup, terutamanya dalam keadaan kita panas dan giat berjuang mempertahankan pendirian dan prinsip hidup kita sendiri, kita terlupa akan hakikat bahawa kewujudan kita, kerana bermulanya dari ketidakwujudan, akan berakhir dengan ketidakwujudan.
-Kalaupun kita tidak melupai hakikat fananya hayat di dunia karma ini sekalipun, kita jarang sekali boleh menginsafi bahawa dharma hidup, hukum realiti di dunia ini selalunya berakhir dengan pedih derita dan penyakit.
-Tatkala kita hidup Mati menjenguk tanpa ada tanda-tandanya. Tidak semestinya kita yang mati; tidak semestinya Mati menyedarkan kita tentang hukum alam yang tertakluk kepada kita manusia. Apabila kita melihat orang lain berjumpa dengan Mati kita melihat itu seolah-olah suatu fenomena yang tidak terpakai kepada kita. Kita tidak menjadi sedih dengan adanya Mati; kita tidak merasa apa-apa tentangnya. Seolah-olah Mati itu sekadar kita menghembus udara keluar dari peparu; kita tidak sedar sama sekali.
-Tapi andai kata sesuatu atau seseorang yang kita sayang hilang lenyap dari mata, itukah apa yang kita rasakan? Ketidakpedulian? Ketidakberperasaan? Sahabat yang hilang lenyap dari mata; air mata yang berlinang di pipi; itukah namanya kesengsaraan pengakhiran? Dan kesakitan itu kita bius dengan api kemarahan terhadap hidup; mengapa harus begini? INI TIDAK ADIL! Dalam hati kita menjerit kepada Tuhan seolah-olah benar Tuhan itu wujud, dan seolah-olah benar bahawa Tuhan itu Penggerak segala-galanya di alam semesta.
-Namun hakikatnya, manusia...tidak, barangkali hanya aku seorang sahaja...dalam hidup harus terus bergerak, maka luka pun disembuhkan, parut lama dikambus, kesakitan dibius. Lalu kewujudan menjadi seperti sedia kala; bosan dan tidak punya pengertian apa-apa, melainkan sebagai perjuangan bagi seorang yang memperjuangkan hidupnya dalam siratan kepercayaannya; perjuangan itu dadah yang menutup kezaliman hakikat dunia yang fana. Maka semua orang pun mahu mempercayai sesuatu, dan mahu menjadi hero yang mempertahankan kepercayaannya; PERTAHANKAN KALIMAH ALLAH! PERTAHANKAN MELAYU! PERTAHANKAN NEGARA! KEBEBASAN BERSUARA! JATUHKAN BN! JATUHKAN KEZALIMAN! HIDUP RAKYAT! HIDUP PROLETARIAT! HIDUP REVOLUSI!...Ini semua dadah. Semua slogan ini kosong dan tidak bermaksud apa-apa melainkan sekadar sebagai balutan menutup luka takut kekosongan di hati.
-Mungkin hanya aku seorang sahaja begini. Aku tidak tahu sama ada orang lain berfikiran sama; apa kaitan antara HIDUP MELAYU dengan tiupan sangkakala Israfil? Aneh sungguh berfikiran tentang hidup mati; kedua-duanya tidak berpisah sama-sekali, namun terasa begitu kontras sekali sehingga sukar memikirkan bahawa hidup dan mati adalah satu. Tapi hidup dan mati memang adalah satu; manusia hidup mesti mati.
-Alam sains fizika ada yang meragui dikotomi hidup mati sebegini; tiada yang betul-betul hidup; segala-galanya fenomena material semata-mata, justeru tiada jiwa yang sedar; tanpa jiwa tiada istilah 'berpisah roh dari jasad.' Tapi perpisahan tetap terjadi, dengan atau tanpa jiwa; aduhai dunia.
-Kalaupun kita tidak melupai hakikat fananya hayat di dunia karma ini sekalipun, kita jarang sekali boleh menginsafi bahawa dharma hidup, hukum realiti di dunia ini selalunya berakhir dengan pedih derita dan penyakit.
-Tatkala kita hidup Mati menjenguk tanpa ada tanda-tandanya. Tidak semestinya kita yang mati; tidak semestinya Mati menyedarkan kita tentang hukum alam yang tertakluk kepada kita manusia. Apabila kita melihat orang lain berjumpa dengan Mati kita melihat itu seolah-olah suatu fenomena yang tidak terpakai kepada kita. Kita tidak menjadi sedih dengan adanya Mati; kita tidak merasa apa-apa tentangnya. Seolah-olah Mati itu sekadar kita menghembus udara keluar dari peparu; kita tidak sedar sama sekali.
-Tapi andai kata sesuatu atau seseorang yang kita sayang hilang lenyap dari mata, itukah apa yang kita rasakan? Ketidakpedulian? Ketidakberperasaan? Sahabat yang hilang lenyap dari mata; air mata yang berlinang di pipi; itukah namanya kesengsaraan pengakhiran? Dan kesakitan itu kita bius dengan api kemarahan terhadap hidup; mengapa harus begini? INI TIDAK ADIL! Dalam hati kita menjerit kepada Tuhan seolah-olah benar Tuhan itu wujud, dan seolah-olah benar bahawa Tuhan itu Penggerak segala-galanya di alam semesta.
-Namun hakikatnya, manusia...tidak, barangkali hanya aku seorang sahaja...dalam hidup harus terus bergerak, maka luka pun disembuhkan, parut lama dikambus, kesakitan dibius. Lalu kewujudan menjadi seperti sedia kala; bosan dan tidak punya pengertian apa-apa, melainkan sebagai perjuangan bagi seorang yang memperjuangkan hidupnya dalam siratan kepercayaannya; perjuangan itu dadah yang menutup kezaliman hakikat dunia yang fana. Maka semua orang pun mahu mempercayai sesuatu, dan mahu menjadi hero yang mempertahankan kepercayaannya; PERTAHANKAN KALIMAH ALLAH! PERTAHANKAN MELAYU! PERTAHANKAN NEGARA! KEBEBASAN BERSUARA! JATUHKAN BN! JATUHKAN KEZALIMAN! HIDUP RAKYAT! HIDUP PROLETARIAT! HIDUP REVOLUSI!...Ini semua dadah. Semua slogan ini kosong dan tidak bermaksud apa-apa melainkan sekadar sebagai balutan menutup luka takut kekosongan di hati.
-Mungkin hanya aku seorang sahaja begini. Aku tidak tahu sama ada orang lain berfikiran sama; apa kaitan antara HIDUP MELAYU dengan tiupan sangkakala Israfil? Aneh sungguh berfikiran tentang hidup mati; kedua-duanya tidak berpisah sama-sekali, namun terasa begitu kontras sekali sehingga sukar memikirkan bahawa hidup dan mati adalah satu. Tapi hidup dan mati memang adalah satu; manusia hidup mesti mati.
-Alam sains fizika ada yang meragui dikotomi hidup mati sebegini; tiada yang betul-betul hidup; segala-galanya fenomena material semata-mata, justeru tiada jiwa yang sedar; tanpa jiwa tiada istilah 'berpisah roh dari jasad.' Tapi perpisahan tetap terjadi, dengan atau tanpa jiwa; aduhai dunia.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
The Future Separation
-If you ask me, the possibility of Malaysia splitting up into two countries in 20 year's time is very possible. The reason would be the divergence between the mindset of the people, and it will be racially and religiously lined. The split would led to the formation of (at least) one secular republic and (at least) one Islamic Malay sultanate (or Islamic republic) It is likely that the secular republic will be situated in the present state of Sarawak; there is a slim chance it might include Penang and/or Selangor as well, but I do not think it is likely that this Republic of Sarawak shall be joined by any other parts of the present Malaysia, except perhaps Labuan and West Sabah. I cannot tell whether Sabah would be a part of the new secular republic or not due to the Bajau-Sulu population; it is most likely that Bajau-Sulu part would split from the Kadazan-Murut part, leaving the Bruneian Malays and Kedayans with no options except to retreat to Labuan or perhaps Sipitang-Beaufort. The split would come at a heavy cost; there shall be a racial conflict between the Malays and Chinese which may result in Chinese exodus, either to Sarawak or other countries. Sarawakian Malay and Melanau run a risk of losing their homeland if the split results in religious purge; there is no telling whether Ibans would be swept with religious fervor or not when the country divides itself; but the risk is fairly low due to relative lack of religiosity among the Sarawakians as compared with other parts of Malaysia, and also due to the fact that Ibans are mostly Catholics, which has tempered down a lot of its violence and bigotry since the Middle Ages. There is a risk that the Peninsular Malaysia be divided into a North-South divide, due to the differing culture and world view; the South Peninsular is fairly more cosmopolitan in nature as opposed to the more conservative, Islamist north. Penang shall be an independent island, but perhaps losing Seberang Perai; it might end up joining Singapore or not. There is no telling whether these would happen; it is all just hypothetical.
But it is very possible, if the people keeps on dividing themselves along the lines of race and religion; if the government keeps on to their outdated Malay nationalism ideology and does not embrace the zeitgeist, and if there continues to be resistance from certain sectors of society that opposes the change of time. Malaysia needs to change, or the future is grim. But change is hard; might as well split up.
But it is very possible, if the people keeps on dividing themselves along the lines of race and religion; if the government keeps on to their outdated Malay nationalism ideology and does not embrace the zeitgeist, and if there continues to be resistance from certain sectors of society that opposes the change of time. Malaysia needs to change, or the future is grim. But change is hard; might as well split up.
Friday, December 27, 2013
سمع الله
-Bulan Disember 2013. Musim dingin sudah menziarahi Jepun, dan kesejukan ini merosakkan kesihatanku. Batuk-batuk selalu. Tesis graduasiku masih di dalam proses; aku sudah hampir tiada masa, namun progres baru mencecah 40 peratus. Alangkah susahnya menulis 50 helai muka surat.
-Dalam kepala aku bingung. Sebelah hemisfera runsing tentang kandungan tesis; sebelah lagi memikirkan keadaan negara ibu pertiwi. "Hidup Melayu!" "Hentak Syiah!" "Kristian jangan guna kalimah Allah!" "Pertahankan kebebasan agama!" "Mari merusuh!" Semua orang ingin bergegak gempita; aku pun mahu ikut bersama. Tapi kecut perut dan tak ada telur untuk berbicara. Jadi graduan pergi luar negara pun tarak guna. Ambil ilmu yang kalau aku bilang di Malaysia akan menjadikan aku sama ada banduan penjara, orang keluar agama, ataupun pengkhianat raja dan bangsa; apa guna? Celaka punya manusia.
-Dalam pada itu, aku berfikir. "Cuba mun aku bei mem. Dating mei buh lalek hal nawan." (Kalaulah aku berpacaran, berjanji temu tak perlu risau tentang orang lain) "Oh pacaranku, would you let me do you? Fuck me. Lul." Ini bukan pemikiran orang waras. Aku gila barangkali; mungkin aku harus membuat kacau sedikit untuk melampiaskan gilaku. Dan menjadi feymes at the same time. Hehehehe.
-Dalam kepala aku bingung. Sebelah hemisfera runsing tentang kandungan tesis; sebelah lagi memikirkan keadaan negara ibu pertiwi. "Hidup Melayu!" "Hentak Syiah!" "Kristian jangan guna kalimah Allah!" "Pertahankan kebebasan agama!" "Mari merusuh!" Semua orang ingin bergegak gempita; aku pun mahu ikut bersama. Tapi kecut perut dan tak ada telur untuk berbicara. Jadi graduan pergi luar negara pun tarak guna. Ambil ilmu yang kalau aku bilang di Malaysia akan menjadikan aku sama ada banduan penjara, orang keluar agama, ataupun pengkhianat raja dan bangsa; apa guna? Celaka punya manusia.
-Dalam pada itu, aku berfikir. "Cuba mun aku bei mem. Dating mei buh lalek hal nawan." (Kalaulah aku berpacaran, berjanji temu tak perlu risau tentang orang lain) "Oh pacaranku, would you let me do you? Fuck me. Lul." Ini bukan pemikiran orang waras. Aku gila barangkali; mungkin aku harus membuat kacau sedikit untuk melampiaskan gilaku. Dan menjadi feymes at the same time. Hehehehe.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Persecution
-It is not a good time living in a Muslim society now.
-The reason is because of the tensions mounting due to changes unprecedented in the society as a whole, with the borders and the rights, as well as the status quo being rewritten, for better or for worse. C'est une moment historique; This era's gonna come down in history, hopefully as the renaissance of the Muslim civilization; but first one has to deal with the religion that calls itself Islam, the religion that becomes the ultimate final barrier that precludes the renaissance, due to some negative aspects of it that renders the believers and the society static in their state of mind, unable to handle democracy in its fullest form, unable to accept the changing reality and accommodate new knowledge that supersedes the established knowledge; the barrier needs to be dealt with, and I see only one way that this could happen; violence.
-But perhaps the neo-Muslims; namely, the new, progressive, democracy-loving, peace-loving, more forgiving, less judgmental, less rigid, rationalist and modernized Muslims who adhere to contemporary values instead of conservative values, might be able to learn from history and avoid from doing things the hard way. I don't know, I am not sure. I am an agnostic, my moves are limited.
-I smell persecution in the air. May God protect the minorities. But then again, is God real? And if He is, will he take care of the minorities? If only I were braver.
-The reason is because of the tensions mounting due to changes unprecedented in the society as a whole, with the borders and the rights, as well as the status quo being rewritten, for better or for worse. C'est une moment historique; This era's gonna come down in history, hopefully as the renaissance of the Muslim civilization; but first one has to deal with the religion that calls itself Islam, the religion that becomes the ultimate final barrier that precludes the renaissance, due to some negative aspects of it that renders the believers and the society static in their state of mind, unable to handle democracy in its fullest form, unable to accept the changing reality and accommodate new knowledge that supersedes the established knowledge; the barrier needs to be dealt with, and I see only one way that this could happen; violence.
-But perhaps the neo-Muslims; namely, the new, progressive, democracy-loving, peace-loving, more forgiving, less judgmental, less rigid, rationalist and modernized Muslims who adhere to contemporary values instead of conservative values, might be able to learn from history and avoid from doing things the hard way. I don't know, I am not sure. I am an agnostic, my moves are limited.
-I smell persecution in the air. May God protect the minorities. But then again, is God real? And if He is, will he take care of the minorities? If only I were braver.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
I Miss You
-I can see that my life has been put on halt these few years. It's getting more detrimental to my life to be stuck in the same page over and over again; I had lost countless opportunities due to me being unable to grasp them at the right time and too afraid to take them. Perhaps it's about time I give up and move on with life as a common man; you know, settling down for reality, giving up on my dreams and ambition, graduating and getting a job, being an adult.
-Perhaps I should be working for the government; my anti-UMNO ideology can go in the drain and be flushed in the toilet. Adulthood is about being hypocrite to survive the game without getting hurt. I won't go around saying down with the government anymore; one requires zest and courage to do that, of which I have neither.
-I've been thinking that if I go back to Sarawak, I'm never getting out again; I'll live in Sarawak, work in Sarawak and die in Sarawak. If there's a line of fate that says I'm going out again, then why not? But I think that's fairly unlikely. I should just take a humble profession; you know, academic achievements really matter little at this point if you don't have a job. This ain't no school.
-Perhaps it's safe to assume I won't see most of my friends ever again after graduation. That's normal; that's life; I haven't met Eugene in 6 years, the last time I saw Jesielyna's face was 6, 7 years ago; not to mention those in my childhood years. I've only met Cosmas, Asri, Paul, Luqman during my last time in Sibu, which is months ago. It is going to be a lot harder to meet your old friends. One takes console in the fact that we always meet somebody new; we get new jobs, we go to new places, and there's always people to meet. But is it going to be the same? No. But perhaps I'm getting too emotionally attached.
-I'm starting to get the reason why father always insists on going back to his village on Raya. Because you get homesick; because you miss your friends and families; if you can do it all the time you'd do it; but one always finds himself being constrained by space, time and money. I wonder if people miss me too the way I miss them. I wonder if they'll be able to accept me for who I have become and not just for who I was. It's a constant fear and dilemma.
-I really, really, really miss you.
-Perhaps I should be working for the government; my anti-UMNO ideology can go in the drain and be flushed in the toilet. Adulthood is about being hypocrite to survive the game without getting hurt. I won't go around saying down with the government anymore; one requires zest and courage to do that, of which I have neither.
-I've been thinking that if I go back to Sarawak, I'm never getting out again; I'll live in Sarawak, work in Sarawak and die in Sarawak. If there's a line of fate that says I'm going out again, then why not? But I think that's fairly unlikely. I should just take a humble profession; you know, academic achievements really matter little at this point if you don't have a job. This ain't no school.
-Perhaps it's safe to assume I won't see most of my friends ever again after graduation. That's normal; that's life; I haven't met Eugene in 6 years, the last time I saw Jesielyna's face was 6, 7 years ago; not to mention those in my childhood years. I've only met Cosmas, Asri, Paul, Luqman during my last time in Sibu, which is months ago. It is going to be a lot harder to meet your old friends. One takes console in the fact that we always meet somebody new; we get new jobs, we go to new places, and there's always people to meet. But is it going to be the same? No. But perhaps I'm getting too emotionally attached.
-I'm starting to get the reason why father always insists on going back to his village on Raya. Because you get homesick; because you miss your friends and families; if you can do it all the time you'd do it; but one always finds himself being constrained by space, time and money. I wonder if people miss me too the way I miss them. I wonder if they'll be able to accept me for who I have become and not just for who I was. It's a constant fear and dilemma.
-I really, really, really miss you.
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