Belief, Faith, Trust and Desire

We humans are a weird species. We have imaginations, we have thoughts, we have linguistic ability which is very complicated and hard to understand when analysed, despite the fact that we use it every day in communication, in forming our thoughts, in our various and many attempts at understanding the world, either for trivial purposes, or for big purposes, for instance, in order to deepen our religious understanding, to make this world a better place, or simply to further our own achievements as a person.

With language ability, capability for imagination, and logical thought, we start organizing the perceivable world, that is the reality perceivable to us, into categories in order to make our life much easier. We do categorizations so that we may distinguish edible food from inedible rocks, we may tell the difference between 1 and 2, we will not mistake our wives for our refrigerators. This ability to categorize between things have enabled us to survive and pass our genes to future generations. thereby making it possible to humans to maintain their existence.

Yet, those three abilities demand from us something else, apart from just categorizing external world. They also demand us to distinguish between our own selves-our own egos-and everything else. And this ego wants to live, it wants to survive, it wants things. These wants ultimately form desires, that is the desire to survive as an ego that is our own identity, the ego that is us.

The ego demands survival. Hence it requires a future, the future in which the ego can somehow be sustained, despite the knowledge that our bodies will decay and die-a knowledge that is deducted from our logical observations of the physical world. And the same logical deduction deducts that there is a future in which the ego will not survive-which is against the ego's desire to survive. And this causes despair in the ego, the ego is tarnished, it will not accept its own logical prophecy that it will not survive.

Hence, the imagination which serves to make the ego sustainable, creates its own dimension of future, in which the ego can survive death. And the imagination makes it real. It becomes so real, that it fits the physical world so perfectly, as the Unseen. And the desire solidifies to become Belief, a belief in a perpetual future that will fit the perpetual ego.

The future becomes real, as Faith has come into being. And Faith has in it Trust, the trust that the ego puts in its own imagination. It becomes logical, that the ego has to survive, that the ego will bring with it both the good things and the bad things it is affiliated with, the blessings and the sins. The blessings demand rewards, the sins remand paybacks-in the form of Redemption or Retribution, which will suit the sins, and makes the ego full as a real existence, knowing that it is acknowledged not only by its own self, not only by the physical world, but also by the alternative dimensional future in which it survives as a perpetual being.

It is the desire that demands that we have a belief in God, Heaven or Hell. It doesn't matter how the concepts of God, Heaven, Hell, or anything Unseen is somehow illogical in a purely faithless perspective-Faith is a Desire, and Desire demands that the Ego that is us, be acknowledged as a full existence, an existence that has God's imprints in it, the blessing from Heaven, and the retribution from Hell. In that the Ego finds its solace, and puts its Trust.

Your Dreams (Ku Mahu Hilang Dari Dunia).wmv

A new song.

Pictures of Reality

Is there a truth? Is there a salvation? Is there an escape from reality that turns worse each and every time we check it? Is there a God? Is there a reason to believe, to worship and to trust in His existence? Is there a reason to believe that everything we see has a deeper, hidden meaning that is real? Is there freedom? Is there responsibility? Is there hope? Is there a reason to have faith that things will be good in the end? Is there a meaning whatsoever to these series of unfortunate events? Is there a reason to be good and to avoid evil? Is there peace? Is there anything at all that's worth believing?

By Grace of Natural God, I do not know, nor do I believe, and yet nor do I reject. Amen.

Si c'est la verité, je n'accepte pas: Je ne peux si terrible verité accepter pas plus. Jamais!

If it weren't for a Babylonian named Avram, a Jew named Moshe, and a Galilean named Yeheshua, we wouldn't have what we call Islam today. Stop being anti-Semitic, this just fuels the Israelis' anxiety that Palestine as an independent state would be an enemy state, and hence must be prevented.

お忙しいのところです

今月はやばい。仕事がいっぱい。大事な仕事はなかなか済ませれない。送歓迎パーティの準備の作業はなかなか進まない。俺が悪かったと思う。早めに大使館や観光局二招待状を出せばいいのに。後輩達が皆日本にいればいいのに。俺が会長として選ばれなかったらいいのに。銀行口座で預かったお金もだんだんなくなってきている。来月分のクレジットは高すぎ。明日弟の高校の卒業試験の結果の発表日だ。弟はどうなるだろう。俺には関係なし。今仕事中で多忙のはずなのに。俺はだめな人間だ。今夜は早く眠れないだろ。再来週はもう授業開始。3回生になるんだ。時間は早すぎ。俺は怠け者でしょうがない。腰が痛い。腹減った。頭の中は空っぽだ。完全に空っぽだというわけでもないけど。

これが終わったら嬉しくなると思う。一時的でちっちゃい喜びだけかもしれない。それでもいい。

アメン。

作文1

神戸でのバンド練習を終えた後、満員電車に乗ってて帰宅した。電車の中にいる時、電車の窓から見えた関西の夜の景色を眺めながら色々考えてきた。

今年は来日してから二年間が経った。「時間って早いもんだな」って改めて思っていた。今年の夏に22歳になる僕は、これから先どうなるのかと、満員電車の中で思わず考え始めた。

これから先どうなるのかっていう質問は、今夜初めて考えたわけじゃないのだけど、来日してからずっとその問題を頭の中に考え、うつ病になっちゃったほど日常的に悩んできた。しかも、大学での勉強にはなかなか慣れなくて、単位がやばくなってきた僕が、計画通りに卒業はできるか、そして卒業できたらどうすればよいのかを毎日考えて、なんか自分がアホだと思うようになってきた。

この文章を作成しているうちに、つまり今こそ僕は悩んでいる。なんと言うアホなやつだな、僕。正直に母国に勉強している恋人のいる友達のことをうらやましく思っている。このうらやましさは、言葉の形に変えて表現はできない。そもそも表現する意味はない。だけど僕は、心の底から何らかのこの現実への怒りを誰かに叫び出したいのだ。「神に叫べばいいんじゃん」と思う敬虔な人達はたくさんいるけど、僕は正直、神様のことを、信頼できない。その神は嘘をつけているかもしれないからのだ。だってなんだってできる神のことなのだろ。なんだってできると言うのは、嘘を勝手につけたりすることが可能だと言うことと同じなんじゃない？

僕の頭は狂ったかも。

In The Room

-My new room is pretty big, for Japanese room standards. So far, there has not been much difficulties in getting used and settled in this room. Good God.